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The Pied Piper Prologue
They heard stories at the migrant worker camp, mostly from scruffy townsfolk who worked for a meal and left at the end of the day. The stories usually went that something—or someone had come to Hamelin and claimed he could drive the rats away. No one believed it. No one believed much at the migrant camp.
"Scam," said the oldest workers, the ones with bent backs and burnt faces. They leaned on their shovels and nodded to each other. "He'll demand money right there and then he'll run."
"Think so, huh?" the younger, less bitter workers would ask, and they'd look at each other and smirt.
Then the oldest workers would look up at the sky, with not a cloud to be seen, and then they'd flick cigarette ashes everywhere and look at Darkly Dreams. He was still shoveling even as the sweat poured off him and he coughed up yellow mucus. The oldest workers asked, "What do you think, boy? Scam, or not?"
And Darkly Dreams would keep working and grind his rotten teeth, and the workers young and old
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Buried Alive
Buried Alive
Joandra missed Thanksgiving, and Joandra missed Christmas, and Joandra was about to miss New Year's when she finally quit stalling and just died.
"Well," said her husband, "at least that's that and we don't have to pay for her share of turkey anymore." But then he remembered that the day before New Year's was, in fact, his anniversary, and the guilt descended upon him.
So the husband went out to the jewelry store to see what he could see.
"For a dead woman?" the jewelry store clerk said. "I don't think we specifically carry adornments for corpses. But I'll see what I can find. What sort of a woman was she?"
The husband gave this considerable thought.
"A spendthrift woman," he said at last. "A lousy cook. Blonde."
"I don't suppose you have a positive criticism on hand?"
"Well, she used to be a cheerleader."
"Never mind," said the clerk. "Would you care to buy a nice emerald ring?"
The husband checked the price tag, then turned pale and crumpled to the ground.
"Maybe somethi
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Dr. Quest Hates Spiders by theGhostofElvis Dr. Quest Hates Spiders :icontheghostofelvis:theGhostofElvis 0 0
Shotgun Weddings and Angry Brides: A Zombie Tale
Of Shotgun Weddings and Angry Brides: A Tale of Zombies
Upon her death Molly Brown felt a jolt, followed by a jumping sensation, and then absolutely nothing for what felt like about fifteen seconds. This was just long enough to come to terms with the fact that she was dead, and that she would never see another sunset or feel the warm summer breeze rustling through her long brown hair or pet a warm fuzzy puppy on the head. It made Molly Brown very sad indeed.
And then Molly sat up, dusting a lot of dirt off of her wedding dress, and found herself on green fresh cut grass. A good hardy breeze, slightly stale from pollution, brushed her face.
"This must be Heaven," she said aloud, though for the life of her she couldn't decide why Heaven looked like an old cemetery. "It has to be. I don't see my mother-in-law anywhere."
"I hate to disappoint you," said a voice from behind her. "But this is definitely not heaven. You're still on Earth."
"Who said that?" said Molly. With some effort she tur
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Whatchu Doin' Up There? by theGhostofElvis Whatchu Doin' Up There? :icontheghostofelvis:theGhostofElvis 1 5
Not Mike: a character sketch
Not Mike
a character sketch
Mike thinks he looks like the diminutive Mike Hammer from The Red Green Show, but his dog says he doesn't. His dog is pretty much a jerk, and he doesn't like Red Green, but Mike loves him anyway. If there weren't so very few places in the city where dogs could be taken with out fear of retribution, he would take the dog everywhere.
Mike's girlfriend doesn't think he looks like Mike Hammer, but she is much nicer about it.
"Mike," she says, "the only thing you and that Canadian stereotype share are a name and a set of sticky fingers, and your fingers wouldn't be so sticky if you weren't playing catch with a pancake."
But Mike isn't playing catch. He and the dog are playing Frisbee.
That was how Mike broke his nose the first time. He threw the pancake. The dog caught the pancake. The dog ate the pancake. Mike attempted to take back the pancake. The dog grabbed Mike by the neck and flung him across the room and mashed his nose in with a frying pan and then marke
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Stop PIPA by theGhostofElvis Stop PIPA :icontheghostofelvis:theGhostofElvis 0 0
If I Were Like Hitch
If I were like Hitch I wouldn't be scared.
If I were like Hitch my spine wouldn't bend like a pipe cleaner
   Every time someone challenged my world view.
If I were like Hitch I would be so sure of my opinions
  I wouldn't be afraid to change my mind, instead
    Of clinging to the past like an anxious koala.
If I were like Hitch I wouldn't be afraid to stand up and say
  "I disagree." And rather than kiss the butt of
    Some long dead writer, I wouldn't be afraid
      To stand up on my own two feet.
If I were like Hitch I could say, "This is me.
  Look at me! What you see is the real me."
    Instead of pretending all the time
      To be something I can't even
        Pretend to like in the real world.
If I were like Hitch, maybe I'd be fat
  I wouldn't care—it'd ke
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Voice Crying onTelevision Pt.1
The banner above the set was hanging crooked again, and one simply could not film a procedural police drama with a large crepe paper sign reading National Involve-Your-Writers Week floating in the corner of the frame.
This, unfortunately, was not the biggest problem on the set.
"We should have hired professional extras to play our writers playing extras playing the court," the director complained aloud, and since nobody but he knew what that meant, he added, "Look, you're supposed to be shocked. Just as Brina is called to the stand with intent address the court on Detective Max Harper's fragile state of health after being shot up by thugs, and as, elsewhere, everyone's favorite plebe, Terrence, is about to pop the question to Nadine, Detective Harper staggers in and collapses, unconscious, at the foot of the bench. What do you think a mass of court goers would do in this case?" The only response was a yelp from Brina, who had tried to step down from the bench and discovered Max still l
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A Logical Explanation
The picture was the second from the last on the roll of film. Jill was
quite proud of it. It plainly showed the fire damage and the broken
windows on the second story. The sootmarks were visible in the upper
right corner of the frame, and in the bottom was a transparent staring
girl. Against the black computer desktop, the brightness of the ghost
was striking.
"Ghosts are real," she whispered in amazement, touching the
photograph. "And this proves it. You can't tell me that's not
Eli, hovering over her shoulder, inspected the backlighting and
possible reflective surfaces. He reached out and touched the screen a
few times. She had to intercept him before he went to lick it.
"Fake," he pronounced at last, leaning back and shaking his head. She
instictively put out her hand to catch him, but he caught himself at
the last moment. "I used to have an I-phone app that did that exact
same thing. You pick a ghost picture, you tell the computer how
transparent you want it to be, and
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You know you're home
When the best part of leaving
Is coming back again.
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A CSI:Miami fanscript/parody
Horatio Caine stands in an empty interrogation
room, staring out a window at the lovely view of the Miami
beach outside. He folds up his sunglasses and seems about to
say something poetic when suddenly the door is kicked in and
in bursts a female suspect. She looks wildly around, then
rushes headlong across the room and flings her arms about
his legs. Behind her enters Delko and Natalia.
This is our current prime suspect,Horatio.
She claims innocence.
Please, you have to believe me! I didn't do it!
Horatio quietly looks away. He says nothing. Enter Walter,
with a man in handcuffs.
This is the victim's ex-boyfriend. His fingerprints were in CODIS and on the murder weapon.
I didn't do it!
He flings himself at Horatio and wraps his arms around his
other leg. Horatio weebles a bit and almost loses his
balance. He glances down at the two suspects.
Please, you have to believe me!
I would l
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In Memoriam
In Memoriam
Buildings burn, people die, but true love is forever.
-The Crow
I should admit that once I loved you, back in our younger days, when we danced in the moonlight to the words of every cheesy country song we knew. Every girl in the school was jealous of you and I and wanted whatever it was we had until the day everything changed
I promise it was a mercy kill, like when Clint Eastwood killed Hillary Swank and the Chief killed McMurphy and George and Gary killed Lenny and John. That didn't make it any easier.
You were so much bigger than I, and trapped in the past. I'm still sorry. I still miss you. I'll always secretly love you. Maybe I shouldn't have suffocated you with all that hairspray in our youth. It probably ruined us both.
Oh eighties hair, eighties hair, larger than life, bigger than a dead possum on my head, I sort of wish I was bald.
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Cooking With Julia
Cooking With Julia
Janey "Janetta" Robb did not wish to be put a nursing home. She told Joey this with both arms wrapped tightly around the refrigerator door, just in case he didn't take the hint.
"I'm not taking you to a nursing home, Mom," said Joey, who had other headaches with which to deal and did not wish the conversation to continue in this vein. "Not tonight, that's for sure. But those nice Mortensens next door? The prep school teacher and the retired banker? They're worried you might fall and hurt yourself."
"Never!" said Mrs. Robb.
"I'm just saying that with Dad in the nursing home, you might be happier there."
"Never!" said Mrs. Robb, and she threaded both arms through the door handle like a small but angry snake. "People are liars!"
Joey considered this and was unable to determine who, exactly, was lying and to what end. "Mom, you're being a paranoid nutcase."
"Maybe I am a paranoid nutcase."
This was possible. Joey put his arms over his head and slumped face first into the
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Sudden News Flash

Journal Entry: Thu Jul 26, 2012, 2:46 PM
This just in from our international news crew: Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still valiantly holding on in his fight to remain dead. Details as warranted.

  • Listening to: Queen-Who Wants to Live Forever
  • Reading: another standard Joyce Carol Oates
  • Watching: Jonny Quest



I'm known as theghostofelvis here, but in some parts of the iternet I'm called weloveyoujamesarness, and in others simply Tildy.

I like funny things. Sometimes I am cynical. I also don't understand poetry. That is all.



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Johndoop Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013
thanks for the lama bage!
Louisew89 Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Thanks for the Llama badge! I have sent one back for you :D
Louisew89 Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Thanks for the Llama badge! I have sent one back for you :D
CharlesHdez Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2012
Thank you for the Llama
ohitsuji101 Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
thanks for the llama sorry i didnt tell you sooner
Creativescrapmom Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
thank you
LadyRhianwriter Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012
Thanks for the :llama:!
chittarox Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012
Thank you for the llama :)
primenatorgirl217 Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you for the llama. :)
FedericoAg Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2012   General Artist
thanks for the awesome llama xD
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